Marriage. Marraige is made up of God, husband and a wife. We are and should be the number one influence in our childrens life. Their experience of marriage is learned through us (mom and dad). I ask myself if my children are learning how to love, be patient, be kind, honor, uplift, and see through the lenses of optimism.
Here is a list of things that I was taught while growing up and things that I want my children to learn about marriage.
The Don't Do's:
1. Do not give your children a "perfect marriage" view. I went into my marriage at 18 years old thinking everything was "happily ever after". I quickly found out that there were differences and opinions and that not everything was what I thought it would be. Marriage is work and it's ok for a child to see that there is conflict, but with that conflict, they should always see a resolution.
2. Never put each other down in front of others. Extended family and friends should never be a venting opportunity or an opportunity to make yourself feel better about a situation. Children see this and they will do it to their siblings and to the parent that is being put down.
3. Never talk bad about your spouse to anyone, especially to your children. This teaches your children discretion. Everyone has quirks. Complaining about those quirks will give your children a free ticket to discuss personal issues and circumstances with others outside of your home.
4. Never ever let an issue go unresolved. By resolving issues and diplomatically taking care of business, we are allowing a relief come upon our home. Holding onto "things" leaves a child with question as to "what's gonna happen". We are responsible for making our children feel safe and secure. When a child sees that there are issues and circumstances going on and they can see that we trust God and can show them that everything will be alright, they are that much more secure.
5. Shouting and blaming should never be done in front of children. It's ok for them to see and feel tension as long it is resolved in a manner that is safe, secure and adult like. Childish behaviour should be left to the children.
The Do, Do's:
6. Prayer is and should always be number one. I have always heard this saying since I can remember: "A family who prays together, stays together." Children should see us take our petitions to God. They should see that we trust God with all of our hearts in everything that we do and that we can go to him in times of difficulty.
7. Respect each other. Respect allows a spouse to view the other's point of view and values their thought process and ideas. With respect comes kind words and consideration.
8. Laugh with your spouse. Being married and having tons of responsibilities does not mean that you cannot have fun. Play fair tricks, and pranks, and always laugh. It involves the children and teaches then that in the midst of responsibility and life, you can still have fun.
9. Compromise. Work together to get things done and to please each other. I can't always have what I want when I want it. I normally have to wait for it to go on sale and sometimes I completely miss out. This is because we cannot afford most of the stuff that I like. Ha! It's OK though because he has to compromise a whole lot himself. We have to work together. This teaches our kids to share their toys, time, and overall teaches them that life is not about "me", but about getting along and making things work for everyone.
10. Show lots of affection to each other. Kiss, hug, hold hands, squeeze and call each other pet names. It's OK to gross out the kids. One thing I can remember is my parents always showed affection to each other. Ya, it was gross sometimes, but it always assured me that mom and dad were in love.
Bonus for the ladies:
11. Be his helpmate! Boys become men because we help them grow. My husband was 20 when we were married. Neither of us knew anything about life, work and responsibilities. Helping him will keep him together, organized and it makes him look good. His mama will raise him as a child, but you will raise him to become a man and vise versa. We help each other bring out the best in our individual selves when we work together. Our children see this.
What better life can we give our children than a home that they can come to when they become adults and without asking for advise, all they will have to do is remember.
The Don't Do's:
1. Do not give your children a "perfect marriage" view. I went into my marriage at 18 years old thinking everything was "happily ever after". I quickly found out that there were differences and opinions and that not everything was what I thought it would be. Marriage is work and it's ok for a child to see that there is conflict, but with that conflict, they should always see a resolution.
2. Never put each other down in front of others. Extended family and friends should never be a venting opportunity or an opportunity to make yourself feel better about a situation. Children see this and they will do it to their siblings and to the parent that is being put down.
3. Never talk bad about your spouse to anyone, especially to your children. This teaches your children discretion. Everyone has quirks. Complaining about those quirks will give your children a free ticket to discuss personal issues and circumstances with others outside of your home.
4. Never ever let an issue go unresolved. By resolving issues and diplomatically taking care of business, we are allowing a relief come upon our home. Holding onto "things" leaves a child with question as to "what's gonna happen". We are responsible for making our children feel safe and secure. When a child sees that there are issues and circumstances going on and they can see that we trust God and can show them that everything will be alright, they are that much more secure.
5. Shouting and blaming should never be done in front of children. It's ok for them to see and feel tension as long it is resolved in a manner that is safe, secure and adult like. Childish behaviour should be left to the children.
The Do, Do's:
6. Prayer is and should always be number one. I have always heard this saying since I can remember: "A family who prays together, stays together." Children should see us take our petitions to God. They should see that we trust God with all of our hearts in everything that we do and that we can go to him in times of difficulty.
7. Respect each other. Respect allows a spouse to view the other's point of view and values their thought process and ideas. With respect comes kind words and consideration.
8. Laugh with your spouse. Being married and having tons of responsibilities does not mean that you cannot have fun. Play fair tricks, and pranks, and always laugh. It involves the children and teaches then that in the midst of responsibility and life, you can still have fun.
9. Compromise. Work together to get things done and to please each other. I can't always have what I want when I want it. I normally have to wait for it to go on sale and sometimes I completely miss out. This is because we cannot afford most of the stuff that I like. Ha! It's OK though because he has to compromise a whole lot himself. We have to work together. This teaches our kids to share their toys, time, and overall teaches them that life is not about "me", but about getting along and making things work for everyone.
10. Show lots of affection to each other. Kiss, hug, hold hands, squeeze and call each other pet names. It's OK to gross out the kids. One thing I can remember is my parents always showed affection to each other. Ya, it was gross sometimes, but it always assured me that mom and dad were in love.
Bonus for the ladies:
11. Be his helpmate! Boys become men because we help them grow. My husband was 20 when we were married. Neither of us knew anything about life, work and responsibilities. Helping him will keep him together, organized and it makes him look good. His mama will raise him as a child, but you will raise him to become a man and vise versa. We help each other bring out the best in our individual selves when we work together. Our children see this.
What better life can we give our children than a home that they can come to when they become adults and without asking for advise, all they will have to do is remember.
